Research Proposals

Perhaps this is one of those days when you really have the urge to toss a kid out the window (learning from Ms. Muffintop). Here are some research questions that I, as a scientist, want to explore:

1) What chemical imbalances in the brain would lead a child to dump in cups of dirt into a fish tank with live fish?

2) What chemical imbalances in the brain would lead an administrator to expect general ed. teachers to have scantron forms for the upcoming practice grade-wide standardized exam?

3) How many times does a teacher need to repeat the same direction to "open your notebook" in the first 10 minutes of class to have students follow that direction?

4) A comparison of attention span between a student at I.S. ____ and Mike, the orangutan, at the local zoo.

5) A comparison of self-control between students at I.S. ____ and a family of orangutans at the local zoo.

On students pursuing position in the oval office in student government:
An introductory speech by one candidate: "I...I...I...like to party!"

Something else to think about...
"You wanna know what I did to my class notes? I SMOKED THEM!"