Surprise!

It's pretty hard to believe, but this week (week after vacation) there is not much to write about. Although, Monday and Tuesday were horrific. Then Parent-Teacher Conferences shut them up for the most part.

This was the most memorable this week:
Are butterflies really made from butter?

The Madness Continues...

It has come to my attention that there's more...

On Writing Essays:
Topic: "A woman who means a lot to me is...."
Woman of interest: Miss M.
Teacher: Name what her finer points are.
Student: "She has two, right in front."

"Oh Gail!! Hi Gail!! GAAAAILLL!! I love Gail!" praised a yoga enthusiast. The same enthusiast did barrel rolls on desks in the middle of class. I guess he was practicing for yoga class. Thanks Gail!


Despite a car crash, life goes on (I just won't be driving for a while)...But this took me a while to put together.

From the most righteous: "You cannot call people bitches and hoes."

In Science -
Student A: "So did you study for the test?"
Student B: "No"
Student A: "Well, you should! Are you going to take the test?"
Student B: "No"
Student A: "Why?"
Student B: "Because the test is not in Chinese"
Ms. Jillian: Well, YOU'RE NOT IN CHINA!!!!

Why bring a teddy bear to school when it will be decapitated by a classmate?
A: "How much is the bear? I'll pay you back. "
B: "It's the price of your mom!"

"No one likes you because you have that big ugly black spot on your hand." Gee...That's some powerful spot he's got there!

Cross-curriculum activities -
Another Homophone:
The colon like the punctuation mark and the colon in your digestive system.

The performing arts in English class and Social Studies class:
Student 1: A student dirty dancing in front of the teacher is part of the lesson plan
Student 2: Male student performing striptease in the middle of the class was also planned
You put these two students together, you just might get one of the most inappropriate scenes in the history of education.

Are you hiding a bag of chips under your desk? "No." (This student shoves a bag of chips into his schoolbag. Shoving chips down his bag seem to be a problem for this student. It took him a while, moving his arm up and down in his bag, which was positioned between his legs. If present in the classroom, it would have seem like this student was searching for something more than a bag of chips.)

Cherish the laughs because there is no school next week.

Imagine If They Were Nice...

This was John Lennon: "Imagine all the people, living life in peace..."
This is reality from the students of Ms. Jillian:

"Shhhhhhut uuuuuuupppp!"

As one student decided to rip paper on her desk during classtime, another student nearby decided to take the ripped pieces of paper and say,"Confetti!" And confetti it was! All over the floor.
The story continues...with a broom at hand, but "You can't turn a hoe into a housewife."

Science Fair Presentations - after the 3rd "Does a banana turn brown faster in fridge or on the counter?" project.
Q: Why did you choose to do this project? Why bananas? What's so special about them?
A: I don't know?
Q: Why?
A: I LOVE BANANAS...OK?

Two students produced the classic A+, real tough project: "How to Make Tea?" (I think this was an assignment from English class and they just recycled it for their Science Project.)

I think we are having way too much fun in English Class...
Sequel to Valentine Dialogue/Letter:
"Who the f**k ripped the candy off my paper? I'm going to f**k them up when I find who did this."

Books for Dummies:
"How to tie a knot on a stem of a cherry with your tongue?"

"What's the KY Jelly Plan?"

Just Random Notes of Kindness:

"I like rocky road ice cream on your mom."
"John, you are a gorilla."
"Gerald gave me a wedgie. I can't tell anybody because she might do something to me after school."

And You Thought You've Saved Enough???

I deeply apologize for comments that I did not include. I may simply have short-term memory loss or there is just an overwhelming amount of ridiculous comments that exceeds the memory capacity of my gray matter.

In Science...
On Simple Machines:
"Ms. Jillian is Princess Triangle!"

"What's a nutcracker?" Have you ever seen those wooden soldiers they sell at Rite Aid during Christmas? "Yea, what are those for? Those are nutcrackers. "Where do you put the nut?" You put the nut in the mouth and you pull the lever from the back of the nutcracker and you crack the nut open. "Wait...where do you put the nut again?" In the mouth. "Whoa, Ms. Jillian....nut? in the mouth???"

Side Notes:
"You gay bastard!"

"Can you please tell me what an orgasm is? Please just tell me..."

"Ms. Jillian, are you really going to cut triangles this weekend?" Yes. "Oh my god, Ms. Jillian, you need a friend. You need a boyfriend. I can be your friend." (I am beginning to see that this kid is thinking of something else that makes me think...holy shit!)

"Oh my god, you f**kin' stupid!"

For ELL students today, do NOT got to Ms. Schmit period one. Follow your regular class schedule. YESSSS!

In the Hall Way...
"Can you give us a late pass?" Why? "Because the English teacher was being a bitch and wouldn't give us one."

In English Class...
"Mwahahahaha...Mwahahahaha...Mwahahahaha...Mwahahahaha..."

"You know that song?" Yea. "Mr., you are a complete stranger to me! "

Valentine Candy in Dialogue/Letter:
"Ooh, can I write thug love?"
"I love it when you _____ to me."
Let's glue the candy on my head!

In Social Studies...
"You smell like shit" Student comments on another student.

On the Judiciary System:

"Oh yea, I was in court the other day. My brother and sister were there for robbing a deli store AT GUNPOINT!"