We Are Praying For Him

Tales of a gifted child named Jack...

"Bill Nye is a madman!"

"She's a madwoman!"

"How can I say this in a more 'professional' way?" Jack asked as he raised his hand gesturing "professional" in quotation marks. A short pause as he tried to search for the appropriate words. "Why can't we eliminate and excrete at the same time?"

Jack on Taking Notes -
Teacher: Your son did not do the classwork today; there was nothing written in his notebook.
Parent: My son told me that he was watching a movie in class today.
Teacher: Now we did not spend the whole period watching the movie. We were watching the movie for part of the period, but he was suppose to have notes written for the other part of the period. Very rarely...very rarely...VERY RARELY do I show the WHOLE movie.
Parent: Well, the next time that the class watches the whole movie, may I ask you to please write in his notebook "You have watched the WHOLE movie in class" the next time you show a movie.

On the line before dismissal...
Teacher: Show me your notebook Jack!
Jack (In his beautiful Jamaican accent): Oh no man...no!

Short Week

For a short four-day week, it seemed like an eternity. Hold on to your hair because the following entry might blow you away.

Nutso in Translation:
Woo Woo One = World War One
Sexy Finger = Sex Offender

"I didn't say she smell like shit...I said fish. She smell like fish."

Some kids are better than Careerbuilder.com
As he stared deeply into Kita's eyes,"When Kita grows up, he's going to get all the girls because he's got those blue eyes."

Teddy picked up a brush and started banging it on the table. Hitting the table almost to point of either breaking the brush or the table. And Jack screams, "He's a madman!"

Dean-to-Student Convo:
"You need to hurry up and hand me those conduct sheets that your mom made for you. I need to make a copy of them to record exactly what you are doing in school. You better hurry because you are holding the class up from dismissal," scolded the dean.
"Why is it always me. Always yelling at me. I'm going to switch schools," Jack replied.
"Go ahead switch schools. Now give those papers to me."
As Jack reluctantly hand over the papers to the dean, Jack said, "C'mon, I got things to do and places to go"

Problem Solving Strategy #99:
"Can I sit in the back of the room today?," asked Le Grande Muffintop.
"OK"
Le Grande Muffintop starts to walk towards the back of the classroom. The problem was les petits muffintops were all blocking the way to the back of the classroom. No worries though! For Le Grande Muffintop had the solution. Like what a baker would do with a piece of bad dough, Le Grande Muffintop tossed les petits muffintops out of her way. Les petits muffintops went flying across the room! However, the problem was solved and Le Grande Muffintop was content as she sat in the back of the classroom for the day.

On a separate occasion:
Le Grande Muffintop was caught in her beauty sleep during Social Studies class. After she awoke, we gave her a sleep number.

In desparate need of a health & hygiene class at our school:
"You know that girl, Julie, in your other class? She's disgusting! I saw her in the bathroom and she doesn't wash her hands after she goes. She just walks out afterwards."

While watching a Dr. Suess movie, one curious student asks, "Don't his bow-tie look like someone's balls?"

As a student rubbed his hands against the hairs of the teacher's arm,"Mr., you from Africa."

Little Bits of the Week

In the wake of Governor Spitzer's resignation...
"The Governor was horny, right?"

Then came the $20 question:
"Was Andrew Jackson gay?"

On a more childish side...
"Your breath smells like fart."

Do You Smell the Bitch?

I probably wouldn't be teaching if it wasn't for all the PDs that I can attend.

I still have not figure out why children call each other names...

"Paula...you're a lion."
"Keema, your mouth smells like bitch"

But name-calling could be nice...
"Mom" one student called out in the middle of class. Then she thought about it. "I mean, Ms. Jillian"

After school...as two students followed Mr. English Teacher...
"Where's your car? I come home with you. I live with you now."

I thought we were not suppose to have intimate relationships between teachers and students...