One Last Bit of Fun...

That is, fun before chaos starts again.

So these kids are not as stupid as we think they are. They are technologically proficient. One of them might find a job as a spy! For he had someone caught on camera: http://hk.youtube.com/watch?v=nEfYL_Woo4o

We've all made fun of teachers before...but there's nothing funnier than how one kid did it: "You're going to have some OOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDD HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAMMMMMMM for the holidays!"

Teacher: "The character in a story had an ORNATE wig."
Student: "What's ORNATE?"
T: "It means very decorative. Like an ornament for the Christmas tree! So the character had a very decorative wig on."
S: "What kind of wig does Ms. Phylie have?"

Jack is thinking negative again:
The movie subtitles says [Trevor groans]. Jack put words into action.

They're Closer Than You Think!

A trip to the American Museum of Natural History proved to be a scientific breakthrough! We finally gathered evidence to prove that our students are closer than we think to Neanderthals.

For the 7th graders who attended the trip, it sure was an eye-opening experience. It was the first time where they saw their closest relative (from only a generation ago!) on display. The resemblance was so remarkable, they even started posing next to the displays similar to the way we take our family portraits! However, some couldn't control their hormone rush and started tickling the poor Neanderthal, in rather inappropriate ways. To embarrass themselves even more, they critiqued the size of the Neanderthal penis.

Our Historians...
Question: How did the English Bill of Rights affect the colonists in America?
Answer: NO!

Question: Who was the first to settle in Pennsylvania?
Answer: Count Dracula!

Our efforts to have a Can Food Drive at our school:
"You mean we have to bring in a FULL can of food?!"

On our lesson on Metamorphic Rocks...
I love it when the kids start rapping with the science terminology:
"Gneiss is pronounced like Ms. Weiss." Then starts break-dancing on the floor.

Open House...
At the Herpetology Lab:
Teacher: Every animal bites. Even your dog will bite. This snake will bite too.
Parent: I don't bite!
Now we know why we got suck geniuses coming into our school.

The principal forgot that we also have a self-study Magnet Program called Slut-Making. The first lesson included the following skills:
1. Walking like a Slut.
2. Showing butt-crack.
3. Moving big ass.

Blood Drive
So blood drive will take place at our school. I guess our principal knows that we do have "the best bloodlines in Brooklyn"

Where I Work...

Maybe Ms. Jillian is a little slow at times, but after 3 long years, she finally realized that she does not work at a school. Instead, she works at an asylum for humans ranging from age 11 to 14 (Of course, there are some special cases where we oversee humans over 14).

While demonstrating the chemical reaction that occurs when we add hydrochloric acid (HCl) to a piece of calcite (chalk), a student tries to pull the test tube out of my hands and bring it towards his mouth.

Here at our asylum, we have a group we classified "gifted". They like finding Waldo. They like sitting in rolling chairs and rolling around the room. They like playing with silly skateboards that Mickey D's sell in their happy meals. When their silly skateboards are taken away from them, they resort to pen caps. These observations were taken with another asylum worker after a routine mathematics assessment.

Speaking of our routine mathematics assessment, we had a student who felt sick during the assessment. He was sent to the nurse. After lunch, a fellow asylum worker asked, "are you feeling better?" The student confirmed that he was feeling better than before. At dismissal, he was asked the same question. The reply was just not the same:

The student hurled up whatever he had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner from today, yesterday, and the day before yesterday! Give him credit for aiming at the garbage can during the second round of throw-up. But he was de-credited when the dean scolded him for holding up dismissal. "WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST HOLD IT FOR 5 MORE MINUTES WHEN YOU'RE OUTSIDE?!"
On final note:
Does this look like gray?

Halloween

Lona was Snow White for Halloween. She got all her nails done. To save time, she was brushing her hair during class. The only advice I could give to her was a quite corny "don't eat the apple" statement.

Using marshmallows to make models of crystalline structures of halite (rock salt) turned out not to be such a good idea. Especially, when the bell rang before the kids got to finish building their models. I've never seen anyone pushed 8 pieces of marshmallows, all at once, into their mouth until yesterday.

Tigger, who got arrested for some unkown reason last year, just won't stop standing up and walking around the classroom. Tigger is a name that matches him the best because he likes to do flips, cartwheels, and somersaults in the hallway before joining us for class.

A former student enters a former classroom of his and decides to sit at the teacher's desk. When asked why he was there, the student explained that he was "trying to be a good student". Why start now?

There's more, but I keep forgetting. These kids are just driving me insane!

Research Proposals

Perhaps this is one of those days when you really have the urge to toss a kid out the window (learning from Ms. Muffintop). Here are some research questions that I, as a scientist, want to explore:

1) What chemical imbalances in the brain would lead a child to dump in cups of dirt into a fish tank with live fish?

2) What chemical imbalances in the brain would lead an administrator to expect general ed. teachers to have scantron forms for the upcoming practice grade-wide standardized exam?

3) How many times does a teacher need to repeat the same direction to "open your notebook" in the first 10 minutes of class to have students follow that direction?

4) A comparison of attention span between a student at I.S. ____ and Mike, the orangutan, at the local zoo.

5) A comparison of self-control between students at I.S. ____ and a family of orangutans at the local zoo.

On students pursuing position in the oval office in student government:
An introductory speech by one candidate: "I...I...I...like to party!"

Something else to think about...
"You wanna know what I did to my class notes? I SMOKED THEM!"

High School Applications

So far October proved to be the month for Lona:

After being told to put away their HS applications in 5 seconds, Lona still had it on her desk. Enthusiatic about her zone school, she tells all her friends across the room, "Abraham Lincoln is my first choice." Ms. Jillian could not hold back, "Make sure you put I.S.____ as your first choice too cuz you're not going anywhere if you don't pass this class. Now put it away."
Lona obeyed for the first time in two years.

While explaining the symbol for depression (area of land below ground level) on a topographic map and using a crater as an example of a depression, Lona looked at another student and made the following comment: "Your face looks like crater."

Lona recruited another member, "Your mother belongs in Special Ed."

Refusal to Learn

Thought I would do something good and bought a Chinese/English dictionary for my Chinese ELL students. Here's my lesson on Good vs. Bad Science Fair Questions that went down the drain:

An example of a bad science fair question would be "What is mold?" Now where can we find the answer to this word "mold"? In the dictionary! So I handed the Chinese dictionary to the Chinese kid who did not know English, hoping that he would find the translation to the word "mold" in Chinese. However, he pushed the book away. I placed the book on his table, he pushed to the corner of his desk without flipping one page of the damn book. Now tell me how the hell am I suppose to help these kids?!

Take a wild guess of who made this statement: "SHUT UP, Gorilla!"

Thank goodness for the smartboard: "I'll shut up if you use the green marker" said one student.

Somebody also said something about sucking somebody's sister's dick...hmm....seems like we gotta review the parts of the female reproductive system.

Classic Jack: "Why are you always on my grill?!"